There is a part of us that doesn't want to settle for anything less than the best. Sure, the American dream is to come out on top, to rise above the crowd and ultimately land in a place of success; it's spoken into us by our culture. But I don't think it is all cultural. There is a part of the biological design of our brains--instinct, actually--that makes tells us if we doing better than others than we are doing well. It's really a beautiful design, and totally points to the work of the Creator. We want our lives to count. But the problem lies when our minds leads us to dwell on these "how do I measure up" thought for too long, and eventually lead us to self-doubt and insecurity. It is true that the Enemy only has as much power in our lives as we give him. I can't imagine a stronger weapon we can give him than our insecurities and self-doubt.
There is this a voice in my head that from time to time speaks of two things to me. And in their ugliest and loudest form sound something like this:
"You are not need nor wanted, and you have nothing to offer others."
"You will never measure up, and you will always fall short of your & others expectations."
There is a lot of animosity in the words written above. And if I were to step back and really think about them, I would instantly realize that they are false and inaccurate descriptions of who I am and what God has for me. Yet for some reason it is so hard to keep the realities of what God thinks of me in mind. I'm certain I am not the only one who struggles with this.
The assignment for Theology 2 this past week has been to recognize the insecurities we have and to proclaims the realities of how God views us over ourselves. Oddly enough, the easy part of this assignment was pinpointing the lies. The hard part was believing and proclaiming the truths about myself.
But there is something powerful about separating what you think about yourself in the darkest of thought, and the reality of what the Father thinks of you. He knows everything about you, what there is and what is to come... and still really likes you. In fact He's wild about you.
These are the truths that I have proclaimed over myself the last week, and the truth that I will continue to proclaims as anything else creeps in. My prayer is that I keep them in mind even when everything in me tells me otherwise.
Wow Brandon you are pretty hard on yourself. I guess I am not alone and I can so relate.
ReplyDeleteYou are indeed God's beloved friend and you are indeed his masterpiece.
ReplyDeleteYea I struggle with those thoughts sometimes too! Particularly the 'you are not good enough to be doing what you are doing.' Fortunately its not a big white dog inside of me and a big black dog, battling back and forth. And the one I feed takes over. Jesus is my life, and I choose to stand on what He says is true. Amen!
ReplyDeleteFunny how our negative self-talk can be the dark opposite of how we are annoited in Christ. I find you to be so gifted and great at walking in your calling while still being real. Grateful to know you, Brandito. You bring a lot of knowledge and perspective to our cohort.
ReplyDelete