A fight Against The Self

There is a part of us that doesn't want to settle for anything less than the best. Sure, the American dream is to come out on top, to rise above the crowd and ultimately land in a place of success; it's spoken into us by our culture. But I don't think it is all cultural. There is a part of the biological design of our brains--instinct, actually--that makes tells us if we doing better than others than we are doing well. It's really a beautiful design, and totally points to the work of the Creator. We want our lives to count. But the problem lies when our minds leads us to dwell on these "how do I measure up" thought for too long, and eventually lead us to self-doubt and insecurity. It is true that the Enemy only has as much power in our lives as we give him. I can't imagine a stronger weapon we can give him than our insecurities and self-doubt. 

There is this a voice in my head that from time to time speaks of two things to me. And in their ugliest and loudest form sound something like this:

"You are not need nor wanted, and you have nothing to offer others."

"You will never measure up, and you will always fall short of your & others expectations."

There is a lot of animosity in the words written above. And if I were to step back and really think about them, I would instantly realize that they are false and inaccurate descriptions of who I am and what God has for me. Yet for some reason it is so hard to keep the realities of what God thinks of me in mind. I'm certain I am not the only one who struggles with this.

The assignment for Theology 2 this past week has been to recognize the insecurities we have and to proclaims the realities of how God views us over ourselves. Oddly enough, the easy part of this assignment was pinpointing the lies. The hard part was believing and proclaiming the truths about myself. 

But there is something powerful about separating what you think about yourself in the darkest of thought, and the reality of what the Father thinks of you. He knows everything about you, what there is and what is to come... and still really likes you. In fact He's wild about you.

These are the truths that I have proclaimed over myself the last week, and the truth that I will continue to proclaims as anything else creeps in. My prayer is that I keep them in mind even when everything in me tells me otherwise.

Pick Up Your Cross

This past week, the RTI class was asked to "pick up our cross" in the most literal of senses. We were to make our own wooden crosses, and then to carry them around with us, everywhere we went. An interesting and an eye-opening assignment indeed. Although I admit I was a little bit reluctant at first, carry the cross with me everywhere was not the hardest part about this experience. What was most interesting to was wast the reactions I'd get from others.

In the beginning of the assignment, I would get many strange looks from people as I would walk by. Over the weekend, a member of the RTI class gave the announcements for the big church services. This resulted in thousand of Christians around the Salem-Keizer area to know about the project, and to get excited about it along with us. Just in walking from the Youth Center to my house (a matter of three blocks), I would get whoops and hollers in encouragement for carrying my cross. Word was out. It no longer was a matter embarrassment of the fear of being viewed as "over-zealous," it became a matter of camaraderie and belonging. I found myself wanting to not only carry my wooden cross, but proudly display it for others to see, in hopes that they too would share a value for the significance behind my two planks of wood. 

I walk away from this week with my cross always at my side with the following reflections: 1) It is easy to carry your cross when you know other are in support of it. 2) It is hard to want to display your values when you're at the grocery store, or in a public place where you are aware that others are looking down on you. All in all, I am re-realizing that the cross I carry cannot be by any means hidden when I am not in Christian circles. I am not one to revoke or suppress my beliefs, but I am admittedly one to keep quiet about it if I know conflict would arise from it.

The literal and metaphorical carrying of my cross this past week was an eye-opening experience indeed.