John 10:10

This has been a very interesting term in Theology 2, not just learning about the theological concepts, but actually seeing them play out my life.

Instead of studying about substitutionary atonement, kenosis or incarnation, projects lead us to carry a small wooden cross, remind ourselves our identity in Christ, and visit other denominations to see how they operate. The best word to describe this term would be "experiential."

To be honest, I typically don't like to be told to feel certain emotions. And usually the moment I am told to feel something, I try to avoid it. But I do feel like this term has been beneficial. It has been an opportunity to have a weekly heart-check; to see how I am doing internally. I am learning that when my physical meters are on low, my emotional, mental & spiritual meters struggle as well. This class has helped me realize there is a stewardship in knowing God and making him known. I need to be in a place where I am completely taken care of in all regards if I am to 1) have a relationship with God and 2) lead others to have a relationship with him.

Overall, I have found this term very beneficial. :)

Mount Angel Abbey

For this project I spent time with the Monks at the Mount Angel Abbey. Two students I have been hanging out with have been wanting to go there, so I invited them along. Isaac was excited to experience something he hadn't before, and Aidan came from an Episcopalian church... so he felt most at home there.  We went to the 7:25pm "Bells for Compline" chant. It ended up being a really cool experience. We showed up about 10 minutes early, grabbed out seats and waited to hear the ringing of the bells indicating that the chants were about to begin. When they did, monks from all over the grounds came flooding into the chapel. I told Aiden he would have to direct me in what to do--when do bow, when to kneel, when to chant back at the priest. Having him there was a fun dynamic.

To be honest, I had no idea what I was doing the majority of the time. I wanted to be an active participant in what was going on to say that I really experienced everything that was going on there. Sometimes even at my home church Salem Alliance, I find myself in worship looking around and observing others worship. It is powerful to see others in worship, to see how they connect with God and what they need spiritually form him. Some people are energetic in worship, others are more solemn and peaceful. Seeing how others worship God brings me to worship. Hanging out with my Monk friends, I don't think I have ever seen such a reverence for God. Such an appreciation for God that goes deeper and wider than respect or honor. It is easy for me, sometimes, to emphasize the relational aspect of God over the Creator of the world. 

Isaac, Aidan and I had a really good conversation after this experience. We talked about how many different congregations their are, how many different ways of worship, and how different religious lifestyles there are. We all agreed that we couldn't pin what we experienced the abbey as wrong... just different. I walked away from the Abbey realizing that while each congregation may have its strengths and weaknesses, triumphs and areas of sin, who is to say one better than the other? I love my home Salem Alliance, I think we do things well here. I believe we are well balanced and healthy. I would wonder what a Monk from the Abbey would have to say about one of our church services however. 

In sum, I think seeing other churches in how they fellowship and worship God is a very healthy practice. It allows you to step back and assess what you're doing right, and what could use some tweaking in how you view God and life with him. 

A fight Against The Self

There is a part of us that doesn't want to settle for anything less than the best. Sure, the American dream is to come out on top, to rise above the crowd and ultimately land in a place of success; it's spoken into us by our culture. But I don't think it is all cultural. There is a part of the biological design of our brains--instinct, actually--that makes tells us if we doing better than others than we are doing well. It's really a beautiful design, and totally points to the work of the Creator. We want our lives to count. But the problem lies when our minds leads us to dwell on these "how do I measure up" thought for too long, and eventually lead us to self-doubt and insecurity. It is true that the Enemy only has as much power in our lives as we give him. I can't imagine a stronger weapon we can give him than our insecurities and self-doubt. 

There is this a voice in my head that from time to time speaks of two things to me. And in their ugliest and loudest form sound something like this:

"You are not need nor wanted, and you have nothing to offer others."

"You will never measure up, and you will always fall short of your & others expectations."

There is a lot of animosity in the words written above. And if I were to step back and really think about them, I would instantly realize that they are false and inaccurate descriptions of who I am and what God has for me. Yet for some reason it is so hard to keep the realities of what God thinks of me in mind. I'm certain I am not the only one who struggles with this.

The assignment for Theology 2 this past week has been to recognize the insecurities we have and to proclaims the realities of how God views us over ourselves. Oddly enough, the easy part of this assignment was pinpointing the lies. The hard part was believing and proclaiming the truths about myself. 

But there is something powerful about separating what you think about yourself in the darkest of thought, and the reality of what the Father thinks of you. He knows everything about you, what there is and what is to come... and still really likes you. In fact He's wild about you.

These are the truths that I have proclaimed over myself the last week, and the truth that I will continue to proclaims as anything else creeps in. My prayer is that I keep them in mind even when everything in me tells me otherwise.

Pick Up Your Cross

This past week, the RTI class was asked to "pick up our cross" in the most literal of senses. We were to make our own wooden crosses, and then to carry them around with us, everywhere we went. An interesting and an eye-opening assignment indeed. Although I admit I was a little bit reluctant at first, carry the cross with me everywhere was not the hardest part about this experience. What was most interesting to was wast the reactions I'd get from others.

In the beginning of the assignment, I would get many strange looks from people as I would walk by. Over the weekend, a member of the RTI class gave the announcements for the big church services. This resulted in thousand of Christians around the Salem-Keizer area to know about the project, and to get excited about it along with us. Just in walking from the Youth Center to my house (a matter of three blocks), I would get whoops and hollers in encouragement for carrying my cross. Word was out. It no longer was a matter embarrassment of the fear of being viewed as "over-zealous," it became a matter of camaraderie and belonging. I found myself wanting to not only carry my wooden cross, but proudly display it for others to see, in hopes that they too would share a value for the significance behind my two planks of wood. 

I walk away from this week with my cross always at my side with the following reflections: 1) It is easy to carry your cross when you know other are in support of it. 2) It is hard to want to display your values when you're at the grocery store, or in a public place where you are aware that others are looking down on you. All in all, I am re-realizing that the cross I carry cannot be by any means hidden when I am not in Christian circles. I am not one to revoke or suppress my beliefs, but I am admittedly one to keep quiet about it if I know conflict would arise from it.

The literal and metaphorical carrying of my cross this past week was an eye-opening experience indeed. 

Initiating Forgiveness

Forgiveness and reconciliation. It's a topic that no matter what and in every season is applicable. It's always something we need to be working on. Which is part of what makes forgiveness of God through what Jesus did on the cross as so powerful.

The challenge this week was to fess up and take steps towards reconciliation with whomever we felt most convicted to. The person I felt God call em to walk through this process was a friend who I now see nearly every day, but hardly have a relationship with anymore. After some baggage with a past relationship, I've come to find that he and I have drifted apart quite a bit. Not something I am proud of, or really okay with... but something that has been lingering for quite a while.

I invited this friend to hang out on the porch of the house I am living in right now. We had some casual conversation and we got to catch up with each other for a bit, which was pretty nice. When I felt like the time was right, I made a few apologies for a couple different things, for the distance and tension that has been between us and I vocalized my sadness at the tension that has lingered for so long. He said that he felt the same way, apologized for his  side of the issues, and conversation drifted back into a more casual catch-up tone.

I didn't realize bringing up forgiveness and talking through it would be so such a simple, yet helpful thing. I now feel like we have the ability to dive back into the relationship that was on it's way up for so long. 

An Emptying Experience

I have always been a saver. Which means, I have always found ways to make money and keep money. It’s not so much that I feel an overwhelming need to have money. It is more so that I have a hard time spending money on little things, when I know down the road I’ll have bigger things to spend money on. It really isn’t a security blanket I’ve built for myself, it’s planning ahead; not a lack of trusting God, but being responsible with what he’s given me.

That is, until recently. Over the last few months I have made some large purchases, all of which I’ve been saving for; I bought a car, replaced my dying laptop and put money towards my education. However now that all has been said and done, my bank account is looking a little slim. Some other unexpected expenses have come my way and for the first time in over 4 years, I have less than 1,000 dollars in my bank account. And it is a crippling feeling. The saver in me has gone into lockdown mode. I have cut out unnecessary expenses, eating as cheap and as little as possible, and considered several avenues to make a little extra money on the side. Dave Ramsey has taught me well.

Somewhere along the line, I’ve forgotten that there was a time when I lived on the other side of the world and even though I didn’t have a penny to my name, I never went hungry. God provides. And over the last few months I have become stingy and self-consumed.

            I have watched my neighbors of the last few months, the ones who live behind my house. The guy who lives there I used to see at Great Harvest on a regular basis, collecting any leftover goodies to take under the bridge and hand out to the homeless. From the short interactions I have with him, I can tell he is a pretty generous man. However, after learning that he was my neighbor now, I’ve noticed how little he lives with and yet volunteers in a place where he gives so much. I have decided to give to him and his family.

            I have gone to the grocery store and bought some food items that I know won’t perish quickly, but can be a good back up for him and his family when things get tight. I bought some specialty foods and even some Lindt chocolate too, just to make it feel like even more of a treat and not just a food box from the food share. My hope is that as he wakes up tomorrow morning, he and his wife see the box and feel a huge sense of relief, that they don’t have to worry about where their food comes from for a while.

            

Merry Christmas!! !! Feliz Natal!! 聖誕快樂!! Noeller!! Hyvää joulua!! メリークリスマス！ Geseënde Kersfees! Selamat Natal!! Рождеством Христовым!.....to all my friends all over the world!!

Possibly the best Christmas I have ever had, and all a surprise. The base I stay at in Taiwan was having difficulties with their visas and the government has essentially demanded the rest of the base and I to get out before the 20th, or pay a hefty fee. It looked like a lonely trip to Thailand and back was how I was going to be spending my Christmas. That is until my parents surprised me with a plane ticket home! While I was only home for a short 10 days, the trip was well worth it. December 4th was the mark of a full year away from home, and taking the opportunity to spend time with family before I began my next school was more than needed. A flight from Taiwan to Tokyo, and then a Tokyo to Portland, Oregon later and I quickly found myself in the arms of my family.
Last Christmas I spent in Indonesia, on the top of a volcano as the sun rose. That was a spectacular Christmas, but nothing in comparison to being able to build a gingerbread house with my sister on Christmas Eve, or staying up all night wrapping presents with my dad, or sharing a cup of coffee with my mom discussing the bigger things in life. I just wanted to take the time to thank my parents for the opportunity to share Christmas at home. I can honestly say I could have asked for a better Christmas. Thank you, Mom and dad, for being the greatest parents I could ever want.

Alive in Christ,
Brandon Miller